This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
