Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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