Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
