Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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