I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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