Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
