oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
