Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
