I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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