i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
