so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
