I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
