she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you will always have a special place in my vag
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
