it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
