You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
