He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
