hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
