Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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