you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
