yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
