I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
