Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
