I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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