flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
