this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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