I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
