Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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