i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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