my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
