I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
