The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
