At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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