You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
