Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
