I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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