it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
