He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
