I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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