i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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