so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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