Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize