ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize