just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
