1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize