Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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