Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
