CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
