so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dear god my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
