I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
