I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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