Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize