dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
