youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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