he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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