my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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