i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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