i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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