my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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