I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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