Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
