I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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