well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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