The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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