Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Text me some of your sweat
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
