Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
