u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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