Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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