i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize