you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
