i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize