they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
