so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
