Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
