i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
