Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
