You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
