is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
