So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
