I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
