Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize