Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
