he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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