I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
